An unnecessarily comprehensive guide to Eurovision Semi-finale 1
Want to impress all your friends by sounding like you know things about Eurovision but can’t be bothered spending an entire day watching YouTube and reading Wikipedia? Because, honestly who has time for that? Luckily for you, the answer is me. I do. And I just did. You’re welcome.
This contains no spoilers for the actual performances or for who got through.
About: Her great grandmother was born on a boat. She considers herself to be her great-grandmother’s “successor”? I don’t really know what this means but this song is not boat related and that is disappointing.
Song: It’s pretty forgettable to be honest. It’s trying to sit somewhere between ballad and upbeat pop but fails to really hit either. It’s solidly middle ground stuff. Performance: In the video she wears this shirt with insane giant fire-hazard fringes off the sleeves. So maybe everyone will be Cousin It style draped in suede fringing. We can only hope.
About: I’m not saying that rapping in Greek couldn’t win you Eurovison, I’m just saying that it won’t. Pretty sure the Greek economy is still rooted (I tried to understand the Wikipedia page on the Greek economy to verify this but it was confusing) so it’s likely they don’t actually want to win and therefore incur the costs of hosting (this is true of a lot of minor nations too).
Song: This song is in THREE languages – English, Greek and a dialect of Greek spoken in Northern Greece called Pontic Greek. So much Greek! It’s nothing if not patriotic.
Performance: Giant drums. I am hoping for ridiculous giant drums.
About: Nina has voiced the main character in the Croatia dubbing of both an animated Disney show and a “Russian-French-American-Emirati-Iranian 3D computer-animated adventure fantasy comedy family film”. Try rattling that off to impress your friends.
Song: I will like anything 70% more if it has boats in it. So possibly the nautical imagery is clouding my judgement but this is probs my favourite.
Performance: No idea but the video clip is so great and weird and cool.
About: So his dad was part of a Dutch design collective called The Fool who worked for people like The Beatles and Eric Clapton. I’ll be honest, I fell into a Wikipedia hole researching his dad and did not find any facts about him. He probably gets that a lot.
Song: Unsure why the Netherlands have decided it is their responsibility to make sure Eurovision has a token folk/country entry every year?
About: During the 90s, Serhat was an extremely popular game shot host. He hosted the Turkish version of Jeopardy (called Riziko!) and also a game show based on Connect Four somehow? He won awards for doing this.
Song: Oh San Marino. What would we do if you weren’t so consistently, entertainingly awful.
Performance: What’s even the point of having a maximum number of people on stage if solo artists don’t max it out with back up dancers?
About: So sergey has a lot of proper achievements and success but also he once came second on Russian Dancing with the Stars and won some American thing called Circus of the Stars where celebrities do circus tricks for, I assume, the lols.
Song: This is one of the favourites. It’ll be in the top five for sure.
Performance:Likely some crazy, strobing, chiaroscuro (a word I learned for my HSC English exam and don’t get to use enough) light show. Also hopefully pyrotechnics.
About: Where did they source Eurovision entrants before they invented singing-based reality television because for real basically all of them have won some version of The Voice.
Song: Yeah it’s alright.
Performance: Ok this song is called I Stand and she is lying down for like 80% of the video clip so maybe she’ll just lie on stage not understanding irony for three minutes while people put glitter and flowers on her face.
About: Apparently his voice was so high as a child that he had to sing in the girl’s choir. I can only assume his puberty was rocky. His hobbies allegedly include “walking alone in nature, especially in Estonian forests” (Wiki citation needed).
Song: Basically Bublé. So I guess it depends if you like Bublé?
Performance: Why don’t more dudes use excessive wind machine? I feel like this could be improved with a lot of wind machine.
About: It took less than 24 hours between Montenegro confirming they’d participate in Eurovision and announcing Highway as their entrant. So either they were an obvious choice or… they don’t have a lot of options.
Song: I mean… it’s Montenegro…
Performance: Calling it early but you can probably schedule a toilet break. (Am I being too mean to Montenegro?)
About: Her full name is Greta Salóme Stefánsdóttir but outside Iceland she goes by a shortened version, probs because she don’t trust us to be able to spell or pronounce her surname which… yeah, fair enough.
Song: Can’t decide if this is pretty or awful? Wait… awful? Good? Maybe good bad???
Performance:This video has a lot of birds. I feel like “projections of birds” should be added to the drinking game because uuuuurgh bird backdrops – in the bin.