GNW- Abridged

A random collection of things from the 10 page document I wrote during my last internship

I’m sitting in a writing room. Three dodgy wooden desks. Three interns. The other two seem to know each other and one of them appears to know Dave. Dave, of course doesn’t remember me. I didn’t expect him to. We spent a day sitting in silence. I think we talked twice. Once when I arrived and once when I asked what the highest value property on the Monopoly board is.

This time ‘round I plan to be memorable.

Its 10:00am. I’ve been in this room since 8:00 this morning. I’ve been awake since 6:00. I slept terribly. I’ve written too quickly. I’ve hit my first wall early. What I’d really like is a nap.

Hey! I just gained half a page of material! Simply by making my font bigger!

I find goats remarkably funny. Why is that?

In fact I believe that any joke instantly becomes funny if it contains the phrase  “sacrifice a goat.” Going to see how many jokes I can write involving goat sacrifice.

My plans to be memorable have hit a minor snag. Namely that its in direct competition to doing my job. Doing my job involves sitting in an office staring at a screen for eight hours. Being memorable involves going out and talking to people. Which is rather difficult when you’re entire brain capacity is concentrating very hard on being funny.

Between my second and third cup of tea a new addition was made to the corridor, possibly the most boggling to date. It was two ENORMOUS black things. Probably three metres tall, they are wrapped in plastic and made of some kind of wood. They are located in the most narrow part of the corridor as it turns the final corner to GNW.

In just under two pages, I’ve used the phrase “stupid glasses” seven times. Hopefully Ian agrees with me that this is amusing and not annoying.

Mickey has beaten me to work. Well his stuff has beaten me. His actual person remains obviously absent.

Deadline at ten. Its now quarter past nine and I have about a page of stuff. So far the only thing I really like is “women are like zombies”. The joke itself isn’t anything spectacular but I love that phrase. Women are like zombie… Stop it! You’re getting distracted! Back to work!

Every lunch I have had for the last four days has involved rocket.

My stomach keeps making weird and annoying noises. Wish it would shut up. Maybe I’m developing an intolerance to rocket.

This apple is remarkably crunchy. I can’t hear my iPod or my thoughts. Tastes rather good though. Despite the large bruised bit where I dropped it on the floor at 6:30AM this morning.

I want a wireless iPod. Get to it, Apple.

It is very, very strange listening to pirated Doug Anthony All Stars music when you can hear Paul yelling.

In the last week I’ve had to run back from making tea twice. Both times the idea that struck me was about pie.

I’m not sure how to approach this joke. All I’m getting is “VAGINA!” and I’m not sure that’s appropriate.

There’s a new sign in the kitchen. Its stuck to the fridge and it says “USE CAUTION WHEN OPENING FRIDGE.” I’d love to know what accident prompted that.

Substituting age and experience with Google.

Why did I decide to wear these shoes today? Seriously, remind me.

Further reading

December – home

I spent the first minutes of 2018 on the beach. I’ve never actually spent New Year