July 28th

Dear July,
This week is a year since Kat died. At the time, my own grief seemed so insignificant in the face of what other people were feeling that it felt almost selfish to dwell on it. I spent a lot of time looking after other people, because that’s what I needed (and wanted) to do.
Since, there have been moments when the full weight of her death has descend on me and I have been suddenly unable to breath. I would vanish, for a moment, slipping into the enormity of it. But then I would surface. And I would keep going. 
This morning, quite suddenly, a floodgate opened and it all came crashing in. I plunged into my own sadness and, like an icy lake, it left me weak and breathless. I sent a lot of messages to a lot of people who I love. I waded through the day (which was a long and exhausting one) and I was thankful for the people around me. 

Alex x

Letters to July is inspired by Emily Diana Ruth. For more information, click here.

Further reading

December – home

I spent the first minutes of 2018 on the beach. I’ve never actually spent New Year