More survey questions? Yes please!

Beth asked me to draw her a picture. Therefore here is a picture
I drew of Matt Smith and the David Tennant Horse. Enjoy. 

Are you funny in real life? In general conversation, do you just spontaneously come up with epic one-liners? Or is it a bit of a different process? Like, you need to sit down and think, with the intent of joking on your mind…
I’m not really sure I’m qualified to answer this question. it’s a bit like those questions in Dolly quizzes which say things like “how would your friends describe you?” 
Well I don’t know do I? Why don’t you go and ask them.
But to answer your question, no. I’m not really funny in person. Certainly not in uncertain circumstances. When I’m with my friends it’s a kind of different matter, we make each other laugh. And in those situations I think that we’re hilarious. All together now! 
Jam jam jam jam jammy jammy jam jam jam… 
Sitting down to write is very different to be funny in conversation. That’s why the people who could make a whole class laugh at school are never the ones who grow up to become comedians. Its usually the quiet, weird kid who’s funniness catches you by surprise (I’m not describing me here.) Writing jokes is about finding the amusing angle in a story, about thinking outside the box (more about this another time). 

Has there ever been anyone really unconvinced about you writing? Like someone really sceptical and horrible? Go on, be nasty.
People don’t say that kind of thing out loud. In my experience they just look at you like you’re an insane idiot. That’s almost worse. So yes, I did have a lot of that when I started. For a long time I used to sort the reaction into two piles- those who thought I was full of crap and those who thought I was full of myself. In Grafton a lot of people know now. At school it became this thing that people just took for granted, my friends especially. I was just Alex and that was what I did. It wasn’t a big deal. I almost liked it that way. I think people are occasionally sceptical when I first tell them, less so now that I’m a bit older. When I do encounter that I launch into details and stories to prove that I’m serious. Once I get going I think its hard to doubt me. I’d have to make a lot of stuff up. 

Would you ever write for something you thought was shit?
Yes. I probably would. If I was desperate and they offered to pay me. But that’s the thing, in that case they’d probably have to come to me. I can’t see myself APPLYING for a job on a show I didn’t like. I’d much rather work on something that I really love. Having said that I am fascinated by how television is made, all kinds of television, so I think I’d try anything once. Tell you a secret? Before I got the place at Sideshow I was going to do work experience at High Five. True. 

Did you ever have a teacher who encouraged/helped inspire you in your writing?
The one with the fake moustache. Unless there’s more than one in which case I am one of the ones with the fake moustache.
When I was in Year 5 I had a teacher called Miss Hicks. She was just out of uni, really young and remains one of my favourite teachers. We did a lot of writing stuff, especially poems, and it was that year that I started telling people I was going to be a writer. I also had a great teacher in Year 11 and 12 called Mrs Patterson. During the HSC I did Extension 2 English in which you write a major work. We talked about writing in general and why I write and stuff like that. She helped me a lot. Plus there’s Ian. He’s not technically a teacher but helped me realise I was a writer and that writing was something I could do it for the rest of my life.

For the impending zombie apocalypse, what will be your weapon of choice and why?
I think that really depends on the situation in which I found myself don’t you? Obviously a very large gun would be an advantage in fending off the stupefied hoards but I couldn’t tell you where I could get such a weapon. So we’re going to have to narrow the field down to things I would have to hand when the news broke. I have approximately zero hand eye coordination so relying on anything that needed to be thrown would probably get me killed. Also I’m a bit of a weakling so while I’d have a crack with a cricket bat I’m not really sure what the results would be. Taking all that into account I’m thinking some kind of flaming torch. Like a bit of wood wrapped in fabric and dipped in Metho. *insert short movie of me thwacking zombie and them catching on fire*

Are sharks mean because they feel unloved, or do they just have a mean way of sharing their affection with others?
Pretty sure they’re like that because they’re large carnivorous fish. Big coloured fish. That eat things. 
*Please note- I am aware that sharks aren’t TECHNICALLY fish.  

How many roads must i walk down before i stop being a smart ass?
Forty-two. At a guess. 

If I did [have any questions] I’d get the fuck up, walk into the next room and ask you in person!
My brother. 

Ok. So that’s most of the questions done. There’s still a few to go but they’re mostly ones that are going to require long, in-depth, whole post sort of answers. If you think I’ve missed something you asked, let me know. The Google docs layout is weird and confusing therefore it might have got lost. 

Further reading

December – home

I spent the first minutes of 2018 on the beach. I’ve never actually spent New Year