Third

Dear July,
I woke up with the kind of visceral, physical anxiety that feels disconcerted from everything, as thought it’s just descended from some mysterious plane. All day, I kept forgetting how to breathe. Breathing is so simple. On these rare days it feels too simple. I suddenly can’t comprehend that it just happens. Some part of me becomes convinced that if I stop thinking about breathing then the breathing will somehow stop too. 

If you stare at your tongue in the mirror, you realise your tongue never stops moving. You can stare at it, willing it to stop but it still twitches gently. It’s a deeply unsettling thing to do – this odd reminder that our bodies carry on without us. Conscious thought is irrelevant to the most important parts of our body. 

I don’t need to remember how breathing works. It just works.

Alex x
I’m posting a blog for every day in July. Letters to July was inspired by Emily Diana Ruth.

Further reading

December – home

I spent the first minutes of 2018 on the beach. I’ve never actually spent New Year