Thirtieth

Dear July,
I am almost delirious with exhaustion so here is a barely lucid ranking of the contestants on my Survivor Australia fantasy league tribe:
1. Jarrad – I like Jarrad. His photography is nice (a useless skill in Survivor but a good skill for gaining my loyalty as imaginary Tribe overlord). Also in the first episode he wrestled a bag off rice off a meat hock. Jarrad seems like the one to beat.
2. Ziggy – Ziggy is an extremely good name. Also she is an Olympic water polo player. Survivor is a game where people often try to drown you for fun and (based on the single game I played in high school) that’s pretty much what water polo is also about.
3. Tara – For some reason, Tara is trying to play down the fact that she’s a barrel racer despite the fact that literally no one knows what barrel racing is. It’s a horse thing? It doesn’t seem that useful? Why do people always insist on lying about their weird hobbies on Survivor?
4. Jericho – according to his bio Jericho will also be lying about his bad hobbies which, I cannot stress enough, is a terrible strategy with no clear benefits. He also went along with a bad dude’s hair-brained plan in episode one. Is this part of Jerichos grand plan?? Or is Jericho just bad??
5. Michelle – I’m guessing Michelle will last just long enough to get in a fight with someone and be promptly voted off. She is apparently nicknamed “have a chat” by her friends which is maybe the worst nickname I have ever heard.
6. Ben – I’m going to be completely honest, I forgot Ben was on my team. This does not bode well for Ben or the sway he is likely to hold over my affections. He says he wants to be “funny” and “authentic” –  both terrible ways to play Survivor, try harder Ben.
LAST YEAR’S FANTASY LEAGUE TRIBE DID EXTREMELY BADLY, I AM COUNTING ON YOU ALL TO DO BETTER AND MAYBE EVEN MAKE THE MERGE, GOD DAMMIT.
Alex x

I’m posting a blog for every day in July. Letters to July was inspired by Emily Diana Ruth.

Further reading

December – home

I spent the first minutes of 2018 on the beach. I’ve never actually spent New Year