Welcome to Tuesday

Tuesday 19th October

6:15AM- Am woken by load bang. After ensuring that neither room mate nor cat have fallen out of bed I go back to sleep.
6:30AM- Wake with a spastic lunge for my alarm.
7:00AM- It is raining. Damn and blast.
7:20AM- All this whooshing traffic is making we go all Clancy of the Overflow. “For townsfolk have not time to wait, they have no time to grow.”
7:30AM- Just got splashed by a succession of cars driving through a puddle. Shiny yellow Cons now slightly gritty.
7:42AM- Am cheering myself up by writing a self-pitying internal monologue.

8:05AM- Arrive at work. It smells nice here. Not sure I’ve noticed that before.
8:33AM- Brain totally failing to kick into gear. I am considering writing an article I’ve been putting off for a week. Not a good sign.
8:41AM- You know what this situation needs more of? Tea. Speaking of- I went to Coles yesterday to buy chocolate Hobnobs. They didn’t have any. They didn’t even have plain Hobnobs. I was scandalised.
8:49AM- Bluetooth headsets were invented for people who want to look insane in public without the trouble of actual mental illness. Man talking to himself in the kitchen- “Or do they just keep on screaming?”
8:54AM- Tea makes everything better.
9:10AM- There’s a fluoro light in the last throws of life. Its making a beeping sound like someone operating an ATM. Just a tiny bit irritating.
9:17AM- First Word crash of the day. Am taking deep breaths.
9:18AM- Thankyou Word. Was just starting to get into it and enjoy myself and you have to go and loose twenty minutes worth of jokes. I hate you and everything you stand for.
9:21AM- Blogger automatically saves every thirty seconds. This is really not that hard. Seriously considering writing my jokes in Blogger. Microsoft Word- take note.
9:27AM- This fortnight’s intern has arrived. He informed me that he usually writes topical political type comedy. I didn’t tell him that I usually write short stories about lonely people, zines about conceptual art and a blog about television.
9:29AM- I’m in the small dark corner instead of the writing room. Have no idea what’s going on in the writing room but all the props that were in there seem to have been moved to the small dark corner.
10:18AM- Didn’t just spent half an hour writing an irrelevant blog post on my other blog. Not at all.
10:27AM- Urban Dictionary is a little bit bullshit.
10:29AM- Why is it so cold in this office? Its always this cold.
10:43AM- Adriatic spelt backwards is Citairda. Which looks like a real word but isn’t. Actually it’d be a good name for a car.
10:56AM- A man seems to have come to look at the light. I think he’s basically saying that its too high for him to fix it, he doesn’t want to fix it and everyone can deal with it.
11:09AM- I haven’t seen GNW for weeks. They’ve been off air for the Commonwealth Games, I missed the Commonwealth Games special because daylight savings stuffed with my DVD recorder and last night Sherlock was on. I wouldn’t usually work this this.
11:22AM- Am hungry. Putting off lunch until I’m made some decent progress. I’m not entirely sure how productive this is.
11:33AM- Just saw someone go through a door that I didn’t know existed. I swear there was a pile of props there before. Am now rather curious to know what is behind this magic appearing door.
11:47AM- Just Googled “diseases beginning with e.” What did people do before they invented the internet?
11:53AM- Am surprised to discover I’ve actually written rather a lot. Unresponsive brain is too empty to tell me whether or not any of it is any good.
11:58AM- It is surprisingly difficult to think of implausible iPhone apps that don’t already exist.
12:10PM- I think its probably Cup-a-Soup time.
12:19PM- Cream of Mushroom Cup-a-Soup is totally glorious. Tell me. How it is that I manage to spend so much time talking about food on a blog about television?
12:44PM- Right. Have eaten soap and got distracted by genius Sherlock related internet-ness. Now- back to work.
1:13PM- We’re reached that stage in the afternoon when keyboard clacking has slowed to the occasional trickle. And a lot of those trickles can be attributed to rewording the same joke seventeen times.
1:20PM- Excellent. Production arguments to listen to.
1:38PM- I think I can now say, with some confidence, that most of this is rubbish.
2:06PM- If there’s one thing I’ve learnt its that utterly random sometimes works. I almost never like these jokes. They get into the first draft surprisingly often.
2:18PM- That’s it. I can’t write anymore without tea.
2:25PM- The kitchen is currently playing host to a crumpet cooking lesson.
2:27PM- Don’t mind me. Just quietly choking on tea in the corner.
2:45PM- WHY CAN’T I THINK OF ANY NAUTICAL INNUENDO?!.
3:02PM- And finally, right at the end of the day, my brain has located the little Paul voice that reads my jokes in my head. Could have done with that at about 8AM this morning.
3:07PM- YAHA! One nautical themed piece of sexual innuendo. My day is now complete.
3:13PM- I am not going to use “bonk” in the sentence.
3:14PM- Just used bonk in that sentence.
3:25PM- Yes, Little Paul you are right. Big Paul would not use words like “terribly” and “totally.”
3:33PM- Handing my stuff in.
3:35PM- Swinging umbrella joyously to celebrate the lack of rain.
3:50PM- Halfway home. Have suddenly released I am very, very hungry.
4:01PM- Decide what I’d like is a bakery and something with cheese in it.
4:09PM- I was sure I saw a bakery on the way to work this morning…
4:17PM- Reach the point of no return. From here until home there is no food. Feel slightly faint.
4:35PM- Arrive home and attack fridge with a certain amount of fervour.

Further reading

December – home

I spent the first minutes of 2018 on the beach. I’ve never actually spent New Year