What I learnt at TiNA

The National Young Writers Festival 2011
These people are pretty great.

1- There’s a bottle opener on the end of can openers. This comes standard.
2- There are people in the world who are willing to throw Arthur Darvill to the
zombies.
3- How to solve cryptic crosswords.
4- Loud bearing emu. That is all.
5- Its surprisingly easy to walk with a pillow case on your head.
6- Princess Peach is relevant to almost all panels. Writers enjoy referencing her.
7- Insulting you from a moving vehicle is how the people of Newcastle like to welcome the TiNA community to their fine city. “Take off your floppy coat!” (yelled at my brother) being the best greeting heard this year. (We’re actually not sure if it might be a pick-up line).
8- Cupcake Espresso! Come on! Its a shop! They sells cupcakes! Om nom nom.
9- New Zealand shows count toward Australian content laws. What’s with that?
10- Oporto- they do chicken, not logic.
11- There are synagogues in Thailand.
12- There’s a sound proof booth in The Great Northern. Its for making phone calls. So it’s a phone booth. Its pretty genius.
13- Apparently people from Victoria greet each other by biting. They will be very offended if you don’t do the same.
14- Alternatively- Geoff Lemon and Geir O’Rourke are lacking in sanity. But I gather their team won the football or something so maybe they’re excused for making me bite them.
15- Lawrence Leung really can do card tricks. There is no TV magic involved.
16- I also learnt rather a lot I didn’t really need to know about that group from Saturday night. You know who you are.
17- There’s a Harry’s Café de Wheels in Newcastle. They sell pie late at night. It is good.
18- A Lucky Seven will not sell you Golden Gaytimes at 4am. In fact it will be closed.
19- Its is stupidly difficult to get home late at night on the long weekend (assuming you don’t live within walking distance of the CBD).
20- Sleeping in wet clothes is a very, very bad idea.
21- The carpet at Farrgo Villa is remarkable comfortable to sleep on. Even if you are wearing wet clothes.
22-If you wear wet clothes to bed you will get sick. Have I mentioned that its a bad idea?
23-If you get your car locked in a multistorey car park on a Saturday you can get it out for free on Sunday.
24-Putting faces to usernames (however briefly) is lovely.
25- People don’t always look like their Twitter profile. Especially if said picture is an inanimate object.
26- Meeting someone through a dating game show is awkward. Surprise!
27- Many people learnt that when I said “prepare for all atmospheric eventualities” I meant it. To quote Lizzy “I probably could have just saved time by wrapping myself in plastic.”
28- Newcastle’s spontaneous torrential downpours stop for no writer.
29- When I say I couldn’t spell to save my life I actually mean that, if I was tied to a chair by a psychopath who held a gun to my head and asked me to spell tero…ptery…phyro…those flying dinosaur things, I still wouldn’t be able to do it.
30- Writers take their tea very seriously.
31- When out at night it is best to avoid the gaze of locals.
32- Its is very difficult to get waffles on a public holiday.
33- Some churches have a sense of humour.
34- I am not very good at Paranoia (the game not the verb).
35-Remember how sometimes Facebook stalking can be used for good?
36- When you meet people for real you can then read their tweets in their voice. This is quite amusing.
37- IRL still wins over the internet.
38- CAN SOMEONE PLEASE JUST INVENT TELEPORTATION ALREADY?
39- Post TiNA plans should be as follows- “sleep for a week.” No more. No less.
40- Lying under a pool table listing to British radio comedy, while rather good, is not the same as sleeping.

Further reading

December – home

I spent the first minutes of 2018 on the beach. I’ve never actually spent New Year